The big unknown.

Grad Borl bazen

How is your January going? We are coming to the end of the first month of the year.

And it’s a winter time.

For me it’s a time of deep thinking. I have my goals and I made some plans.

I know what I want.

But there is my comfort zone. There is a way of life that I’m used to. It may not be exactly what I want, but I’m comfortable in it.

And there is a gap between what I’m comfortable with and what I really want for myself.

There are those dark spots. This big unknown.

If I go for what I want, I have to leave some things behind. And part of me doesn’t want to. I’m a bit scared.

So I am connecting the dots, questioning everything. I imagine the best outcomes, but I see that even for those I will have to sacrifice some of my roles. Some ideas of who I am.

I met with some friends this past week. Oh, how much I love them! They give me parts of them that are also parts of me. It’s so nice to have people in your life that wants the best for you and you want the best for them. It’s so nice to have people, who gives you deep questions. To whom you open up those parts of yourself, that you are little ashamed of… Or maybe not ashamed of, but you know you cannot tell those things just to everyone.

With whom you get deep insights.

Some of the words of my friends or friends of my friends, that has deeply resonated with me in this past week were.

“Don’t live stereotypes, live life!”

“You will just lose your role. You won’t lose yourself.”

“I’m working on letting myself be an egoist and letting others be egoists too.”

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You have no idea how many things I wanted to tell you, how many things I researched this past week. I’m talking to you under shower, while smoking a cigarette, while washing the dishes… (I believe I reach you on some level 😉

Oh, have you noticed, what a deep thoughts can you have while washing the dishes?

Yesterday I was like “Naaah, I don’t want to wash those dishes, it’s too much”. But then I rearranged those plates and cups in the sink and I was like “Wow, it’s almost nothing.” And when I was washing them I was like “Oh, I’m almost over already, how could I even think of it like of a big deal?”

Just like in life. When something seems just two much for you, but when you dig into it, rearrange it a little, get into action… And you realise that you are so much more capable of doing it than you knew.

Okay. So I kinda love this about the winter. Getting down in myself, facing the pain in me, thinking things through… I know it’s necessary. If we look at the nature, it doesn’t seem like much is happening. Now is time for resting. (I sleep way more in January, anyone else?).

But when the spring and summer comes, I’ll be probably be in the full bloom.

I try to accept this about me. It’s in my human/animal/part-of-nature nature.

But the western world has its tempo… And I sometimes feel guilty for not keeping up with it.

Do the work, work, work, show up, show up, share, share, share…

But how will you give delicious fruit, if your roots are not strong enough?
blue pool in the winter
Anita in Juregrad Borlcastle borl slovenia sunsetin the pool

I’m wearing: 3 Ptice Beware of artists tote bag; secondhand Weekday jumper; secondhand black pants; hat was a gift from boyfriend’s grandma; Deichmann shoes

grad borlMarija Frlic jewellry

Necklace by Marija Frlic.

deichmann winter shoes

I got myself new shoes. My old winter shoes started to hurt me. I wore them for 6 years, everyday in winter time. And I feel kinda guilty for buying new shoes. I don’t know exactly in which conditions were they made… And you know this is extremely important to me. I want the fashion industry to be different. More human friendly, more environmentally friendly.

But maybe all of us conscious buyers feel a little guilty sometimes. When we don’t have enough money to buy the best option… This is a good motivation btw, to become wealthier,  so that we could spend on things we deeply believe in.

So what do I do to lessen my guilt when I buy something that I need but I know it’s not the most environmental friendly choice? I make sure I’ll wear it a lot! Can I see it as a part of my everyday style? Does it fit? It’s comfortable? Does it feel like “me”? If I say yes to everything, only then I buy it.

Jure grad Borl

So, how is your winter? What are you thinking about?

Do you consider yourself as a conscious shopper?

Let me know in the comments!

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Anita Puksic - Life.Style.Fun.

I love books & deep shit conversations. I think, I write. And I create eco-friendly accessories for people who give shit about nature. 3 Ptice Etsy Shop

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